tune of "Just You Wait, 'Enry 'Iggins"
by all the BWAGs
Just you wait, Martha Stewart, just you wait
For your reign of creativity is late
There's a woman in Montana
Who can whip your fried bananas
With a fork that she made from a steel grate.
Though your name may be on billboards and TV
Can you do a kickturn on cross-country skis?
Margaret Emerson can do it
On skis waxed with homemade suet
Just you wait, Martha Stewart, just you wait.
Margaret spins her hand-dyed wool in cozy capes
While she listens to her English/Spanish tapes
Ken takes her out for Scottish dancing
Lots of hugs and light romancing
Where's your man, Martha Stewart, where's your man?
You're a wuss, Martha Stewart, you're a wuss
For our Margaret is a star without the fuss
She runs her world with no computer
Fax and cellphones do not suit her
We're glad that she prefers to talk to us.
To change our lifestyle, Martha Stewart, you're too late
We don't think your way of life is all that great
BWAGS do not even know you
So we do not have to show you
That we're glad Martha-Stewart-Living's not our fate.
Better wait, Martha Stewart, better wait
For your ego won't fit through the Pearly Gate
Instead of pushing kitchen fashion
Show some interest and compassion
Humble pie is the dish that you should ate (eat?).
If you want to turn your life on proper course
You must dismount from your high and mighty horse
Come with us for ski and hiking
You might find it to your liking
But you must bag the paparazzi thing full force.
So you think you know recycling, Martha dear?
Margaret Emerson can top you, never fear
Making gaiters from old b'suits
Down sleeve warmers for her ski boot
Shrunk-up sweaters fashion jackets, shed a tear!
If you ever come here, Martha, give a ring:
Margaret Emerson will take you 'neath her wing:
You'll hike and cross-country ski
Pack into the backcountry
Set up camp by Margaret's customary spring.
And if for entertainment you should lack
You will find it in our Margaret's backpack
She'll pull out her penny whistle
Play some jigs and reels and this'll
Keep you safe from any grizzly bear attack!
Ohhhh, Martha Stewart!
Just come out where the sky is blue and clear
Ohhhh, Martha Stewart!
Where we BWAG every Tuesday of the year
Where Margaret's importation
Is cause for celebration
Oh, ho, ho, Martha Stewart!
You don't know, Martha Stewart!
You ain't here!
Martha thinks she has devised a clever plan
To make us buy more, use more, spend more all across the land
Margaret Emerson is wiser, but she's certainly no miser
She's a member of the Sacks of Bozeman clan.
Oh, you're shallow, Martha Stewart, lend an ear
For you need to modify what you hold dear
Follow Margaret's good example
And play music, ski and amble
Oh, you're shallow, Martha Stewart, lend an ear.
Don't you wait, Martha Stewart, don't you wait!
Margaret Emerson could change your dismal fate
She could teach you to be free
And take a leak behind a tree
So get unplugged and come out to the Treasure State.
(to be spoken)
They are both designing women, but Martha's beige I think
When Margaret goes out hiking it's in purple, orange and pink.
Martha has a formal garden and a moss covered bridge
While Margaret finds Douglasia on
French Whore Ridge.
you wait, Martha Stewart, don't you wait
For the chance to make a change is not too late
Just pack up your French bandana
And come out to our Montana
We'll be waiting for you at the airport gate.